donated purple heart & update about me

hi bunz. i need to be transparent about something so no one takes it personally or judges me for my authenticity or ghosts me or starts acting avoidant / like a concerned troll because of their highly specific and personal expectations or for human behaviour or their fragile heart and projections. im not a bubbly person. lately ive been writing things without softening them because i dont feel soft, nice, enthusiastic or positive. i have no creative drive for coming up with special joy-sparking ways of communicating because my social battery is dead and i have no desire to expend energy focusing on charging it until lots of things change in my life. i'm not feeling generous anymore right now but i'm open to being the recipient of the generosity of others. please dont interpret that as me not liking you, being disrespectful / rude / entitled / negative / not worthy of being here and participating in trades. i treat everyone i dont know the same and i save whatever friendliness i feel i can afford to express for my friends that i really trust and have already built up that kind of connection with when i wasnt so socially dead. im just being neutral but that doesnt mean im not actually interested / putting in effort / reasonable or that i dont value the trade life. until further notice i will be coming off as bland and just focused on straightforward honest communication. i will address everything you say and say everything i need to say. i dont vibe with avoidant people who use indirect communication combined with passive aggression and i dont know who would. i know avoidant personality disorder is a real thing and this isnt what im annoyed/hurt by.. i find avoidants puzzling and more of a challenge but i know not all of you have a choice and youre just limited that way. an example of something that would annoy me is hinting disinterest in completing the trade without saying it directly combined with carelessness that seems like a blatant personal insult. an example ; recently someone i had worked out a trade with switched the plan up and said she's going to just curb the item if i dont pick it up because she didnt need what i was willing to offer anymore even though she originally requested it and we had only been in contact for a couple days. i tried working out the details for the pickup but she wouldnt provide an address or details for meeting up and then i had to be the one to say its not working and we should just forget it and she reiterated it but without even saying what was going through her mind all along. it was really :| . wtf.. so i'd rather not engage once i pick up on something like from now on even if im wrong in my assumption. if youll just curb something after and while actively communicating with someone about a trade, its like you just dont want to give them the item for whatever reason so if someone does that to me i do take it personally, but without any feedback, nothing positive can come of it, so its just a bad experience. ask yourself why youre on bunz if you just plan on doing that to people? i will never insult you if you dont provoke me but im not going to pretend im a happy/jolly hipster/hippie or extra polite/positive just to appease your perceptions and make you think im worthy of your trade items. maybe youll be extra sensitive to my communication style if you come from a place with a different culture around mannerisms like the united states which is even more obsessed with politeness, purity, positivity. i come off as "b*tchy" over online messages but im sweet in person. if you cant get past the bland text enough to complete a trade, please dont reply to me and save us both time and effort. im sure there will be some people who dont care so just worry about yourself. im pretty old and have been through a lot and im under a lot of pressure so if you dont know how someone could end up this way, id suggest you dont judge or judge privately and leave me alone even if i reach out to you first . thank you <3