New Skateboard!

Wanna look as cool as you feel inside? Tired of just walking places with your stupid feet? Consider coasting through life's monotony with this sick new skateboard!

The board is so grippy you could EASILY sand a man's nose off with it!

People who know about skateboards spun this baby's brand new wheels and wept, overcome by the beauty of the whirly-twirl.

Valued at at least $250. Yours for 100.

The slab of metal attaching the wheels to the board also seemed inpressive to my consultants. It's even got a sticker on it so you know it's good!

Kickflip, ollie, and zip! Don't slip, because of this board's wicked grip and craftsmanship 😎